Lovely Day

Yea...isn't that a song?

So it was a lovely day. LOVELY. I absolutely LOVE my job. I can't WAIT to go back tomorrow. I can't wait to listen to the snide remarks, and backbiting. I'm so tired of that place. I would have walked out today if I didn't feel like I HAD to have the job. I mean...I do. If it wasn't for the kick ass insurance package I would have told them to go f*** themselves. Some days I just can't handle the stress. How Bettie covers for some people, and not others. Some people she just rides unmercifully, then whines cause things are going on in her life. *rolls eyes* GET THE F*CK OVER IT! My life has fallen apart in the last year, I'm so friggin confused right now as to where my life is going and what I want, yet you don't see me biting people's heads off at work! HELL NO! I come in and put on an Oscar worthy performance, and nobody fucking knows anything's wrong. Except the ONE person she runs off! The ONE PERSON in the whole fucking world that understands me, the one person I run to for EVERYTHING...and she has to be a bitch and make her want to quit. What did I do to piss someone up there off, eh God? What'd I do? I mean...aren't aren't allergies 365 days a year enough? Did you have to make me lose Steph too? Haven't I said goodbye enough? I'm so tired of saying goodbye. I'm tired of people leaving me. I know...everyone leaves. You'd think I'd be over it by now....

Things that make you go hmm...

So, kindof a strange day. It was good for the most part, managed to get somewhat excited, because we decided to get direcTV. Now, for a girl who has NEVER had cable, satellite, or anything but network tv channels...this is huge. Even managed to NOT feel guilty about it. I'm doing much better about paying the bills (God knows, I've had a lot to pay recently), and things are getting easier by the day. I've taken over all the paying of the bills, I don't trust Dan to do it for me anymore. The satellite is only going to be $39 a month, till after I get my car paid off (In Nov.) so then, when it goes up to $41, we'll still be able to afford it. Cause my car payment takes nearly 1/3 of my paycheck. Why do I sound like I'm talking myself into this? It's done, can't back out now. heh Anyway, got excited about that...and was having a fairly good day...

...Till Bettie started mouthin about Stephanie. Oh buddy, that's someplace you just don't go. She said Steph was always rude to the new girl. O_o really? I didn't see Steph being any different to her, than she is to everyone else. I think if this new chick has that skin that thin, she was out the door before she came in. SO, I jumped Bettie back about it. I told her what I thought. This girl is going to have to give a little, and TRY to fit in, instead of expecting everyone else to walk on eggshells around HER. Hell no. I don't work that way. So...was in sortof a bad mood there.

Then we go over to grandma's, and have dinner, as we do every Wed. night. It was good. Braum's hamburgers, and they even remembered that I don't like anything on mine, so got me two plain. *is happy* The kids piped up about the direcTV... and I didn't get a lecture. I was surprised.

Here's the thing. I've busted my ass, for 4 years, to support myself, my kids, and my husband. My husband has turned out to be, not what I thought he was. He's lied, stolen money, and betrayed me in every way BUT cheating, and I don't even know if he's done that or not. And I'm just NOW done digging us out of debt because he stole money from me and lied about it. JUST NOW. And all this shit started in February. So, I went out and got us something nice. Something that yes, is going to cost me a little extra money, but so what? If it makes life a little nicer around here, I can handle it. Right? Why do I feel guilty then? Aren't I a big girl? Yes, we've borrowed a lot of money from Dan's mom. But the last time we borrowed, was to fix his fuck up. And before that, it was LAST YEAR. when he was STILL in school. Now he's not. Thank God. I'm so tired of worry worry worry. So tired of "you shouldn't do this" and "you shouldn't spend that". I'm sick of having to deal with stupidity. I'm tired of having to worry about bills, in a dead end job, with no help, and nobody cares. So y'know what? I don't care anymore either. Yes. I'm going to be strapped as hell for the next two months. But I was gonna be anyway. I flat out told Dan, if he has to get the money from his mom to pay his half of the bills till I pay off my car, or till he gets a job, depending on how bitchy I am at the time...that's what'll happen. I'm not going to be miserable anymore.

I think I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Just in time for J to visit. Great timing eh? I need a valium.

To me.

To me. And lots of other people. My husband for one...my dad...the people I work with...hell, even my friggin dog. I fell in love with this song when I first heard it. It's just so...up. :)


Shut Up by Simple Plan


There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
It's all about you
You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time to criticize me
It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today...

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't want to hear IT
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my WAY
Step UP, step UP, step UP
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

There you go
You never ask why
It's all a big lie
Whatever you do
You think your special
But I know & I know & I know & we know
That you're not
You're always there to point out my mistakes
And shove them in my face
It's like I'm the one you love to hate
But not today

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't want to hear ME
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my WAY
Step UP, step UP, step UP
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

(Shut up, shut up, shut up)
Is gonna bring me down
(Shut up, shut up, shut up)
You'll never bring me down

Don't tell me who I should be
(Don't tell me who I should be)
And don't try to tell me what's right for me
And don't tell me what I should do
I don't want to waste my time
I'll watch you fade away

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear IT
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my WAY
Step UP, step UP, step UP
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear IT
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my WAY
Step UP, step UP, step UP
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say
Is gonna bring me down

shut up, shut up, shut up
don't wanna hear IT
get out, get out, get out
get out of my WAY
step up, step up, step up,
you'll never stop me
nothing you say
is gonna bring me down

Bring me down
(Shut up, shut up, shut up)
Won't bring me down
Bring me down
(Shut up, shut up, shut up)
Won't bring me down

Shut up, shut up, shut up