Things that make you go hmm...
So, kindof a strange day. It was good for the most part, managed to get somewhat excited, because we decided to get direcTV. Now, for a girl who has NEVER had cable, satellite, or anything but network tv channels...this is huge. Even managed to NOT feel guilty about it. I'm doing much better about paying the bills (God knows, I've had a lot to pay recently), and things are getting easier by the day. I've taken over all the paying of the bills, I don't trust Dan to do it for me anymore. The satellite is only going to be $39 a month, till after I get my car paid off (In Nov.) so then, when it goes up to $41, we'll still be able to afford it. Cause my car payment takes nearly 1/3 of my paycheck. Why do I sound like I'm talking myself into this? It's done, can't back out now. heh Anyway, got excited about that...and was having a fairly good day...
...Till Bettie started mouthin about Stephanie. Oh buddy, that's someplace you just don't go. She said Steph was always rude to the new girl. O_o really? I didn't see Steph being any different to her, than she is to everyone else. I think if this new chick has that skin that thin, she was out the door before she came in. SO, I jumped Bettie back about it. I told her what I thought. This girl is going to have to give a little, and TRY to fit in, instead of expecting everyone else to walk on eggshells around HER. Hell no. I don't work that way. So...was in sortof a bad mood there.
Then we go over to grandma's, and have dinner, as we do every Wed. night. It was good. Braum's hamburgers, and they even remembered that I don't like anything on mine, so got me two plain. *is happy* The kids piped up about the direcTV... and I didn't get a lecture. I was surprised.
Here's the thing. I've busted my ass, for 4 years, to support myself, my kids, and my husband. My husband has turned out to be, not what I thought he was. He's lied, stolen money, and betrayed me in every way BUT cheating, and I don't even know if he's done that or not. And I'm just NOW done digging us out of debt because he stole money from me and lied about it. JUST NOW. And all this shit started in February. So, I went out and got us something nice. Something that yes, is going to cost me a little extra money, but so what? If it makes life a little nicer around here, I can handle it. Right? Why do I feel guilty then? Aren't I a big girl? Yes, we've borrowed a lot of money from Dan's mom. But the last time we borrowed, was to fix his fuck up. And before that, it was LAST YEAR. when he was STILL in school. Now he's not. Thank God. I'm so tired of worry worry worry. So tired of "you shouldn't do this" and "you shouldn't spend that". I'm sick of having to deal with stupidity. I'm tired of having to worry about bills, in a dead end job, with no help, and nobody cares. So y'know what? I don't care anymore either. Yes. I'm going to be strapped as hell for the next two months. But I was gonna be anyway. I flat out told Dan, if he has to get the money from his mom to pay his half of the bills till I pay off my car, or till he gets a job, depending on how bitchy I am at the time...that's what'll happen. I'm not going to be miserable anymore.
I think I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Just in time for J to visit. Great timing eh? I need a valium.
...Till Bettie started mouthin about Stephanie. Oh buddy, that's someplace you just don't go. She said Steph was always rude to the new girl. O_o really? I didn't see Steph being any different to her, than she is to everyone else. I think if this new chick has that skin that thin, she was out the door before she came in. SO, I jumped Bettie back about it. I told her what I thought. This girl is going to have to give a little, and TRY to fit in, instead of expecting everyone else to walk on eggshells around HER. Hell no. I don't work that way. So...was in sortof a bad mood there.
Then we go over to grandma's, and have dinner, as we do every Wed. night. It was good. Braum's hamburgers, and they even remembered that I don't like anything on mine, so got me two plain. *is happy* The kids piped up about the direcTV... and I didn't get a lecture. I was surprised.
Here's the thing. I've busted my ass, for 4 years, to support myself, my kids, and my husband. My husband has turned out to be, not what I thought he was. He's lied, stolen money, and betrayed me in every way BUT cheating, and I don't even know if he's done that or not. And I'm just NOW done digging us out of debt because he stole money from me and lied about it. JUST NOW. And all this shit started in February. So, I went out and got us something nice. Something that yes, is going to cost me a little extra money, but so what? If it makes life a little nicer around here, I can handle it. Right? Why do I feel guilty then? Aren't I a big girl? Yes, we've borrowed a lot of money from Dan's mom. But the last time we borrowed, was to fix his fuck up. And before that, it was LAST YEAR. when he was STILL in school. Now he's not. Thank God. I'm so tired of worry worry worry. So tired of "you shouldn't do this" and "you shouldn't spend that". I'm sick of having to deal with stupidity. I'm tired of having to worry about bills, in a dead end job, with no help, and nobody cares. So y'know what? I don't care anymore either. Yes. I'm going to be strapped as hell for the next two months. But I was gonna be anyway. I flat out told Dan, if he has to get the money from his mom to pay his half of the bills till I pay off my car, or till he gets a job, depending on how bitchy I am at the time...that's what'll happen. I'm not going to be miserable anymore.
I think I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Just in time for J to visit. Great timing eh? I need a valium.
posted by Pixie Baby at 9:24 PM
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