*sigh*

*sigh*

Ok. We have these friends...Nick and Steph. I worked with both of them when I worked at Sears 2 years ago. We all got to be really really close friends and we hang out all the time. And we all get drunk together every once in awhile. Enter the sexual attraction. Nick and I have been attracted to each other since we met. We worked together in the Hardware department, and ALWAYS got along very well. But then, I always get along better with men than women. And Steph and Dan have always been attracted to each other. And she's kinda had a thing for me too...cause she's dropped enough hints "you're the only one of my friends that I haven't made out with yet!" Nearly every party!

So...we've been texting back and forth for the last 3 weeks or so...getting racier and racier all the time...Steph, Dan and I. Except what I didn't know, was that this had been going on between her and Dan for nearly 5 weeks. Which is fine...but just like when he had his little 'thing' with that other girl (someone from FE) he was going out of his way to hide his text messages from me. He didn't know how I'd react. What he didn't realize, was that I was having the same conversations with her. lol

So...we had a party Friday night. We all got drunk. And kinda paired off. But....not with our spouses. I was with Nick, and Steph was with Dan. I didn't care. Which is strange...but I really didn't. And I still don't. So...nothing really happened, except some kissing. Then we went home. And I went to work Sat. and Dan slept all day.

And Sunday morning Dan and I talked about what happened. We were both honest about what happened...and we were both fine with it all. So...Dan started talking to Steph about it...saying how we all need to be ok with all this, so that if anyone decided they weren't comfortable with it, we'd have the door open to communication. Good idea right? Well, Steph doesn't want to do that, 'because it would put her too close to the 'swinger' lifestyle''. WTF?! And she starts talking about how she liked it when there was a chance she could 'get caught'.

Like I didn't know what she was doing? Like I didn't have any idea that she was deliberatly following Dan around and trying to get him alone? Like I wasn't doing the same w/ Nick?

Anyway, it really bothers me that it was fine as long as it was behind my back. But once I know about it, she's not interested. I don't necessarily think she's doing it to hurt me...I think it's really just the excitement of it all. But...given how Dan is about lying...I really don't trust either one of them now. Even though he's being honest with me so far about all this...*sigh*

She wants to F**K my husband....but she doesn't want me to do anything with Nick. Oh I don't think so. IF she does something w/ my husband....whether I know it or not, I'm going to F**K Nick's brains out. Especially if they've been sneaking around.

*posted two days later*

With everything that Dan has done in the last few months, I DON'T trust him. Not with all the lying he's done. Not with all the immature behavior he's shown. I asked him point blank what he'd do when he pisses me off again, and it ends up being awhile before I give it up...is he going to run to her to let her suck him off? Since it's his 'fantasy'? He assures me no...but I still don't believe it. I wouldn't have a problem....if she were just open and honest about it. But now they've both added the elemet of "OMG I could get caught!". And add to that the fact that I'm the only person he's ever been with........and we have a bad situation. I'm trying not to be paranoid...but it's really hard to do.

The song that the Cheshire Cat sings to Alice when she comes upon him for the first time, in the tree...before meeting the momeraths.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

SO yea...

So.....we had some drama today. Leslie came in with a chip on her shoulders...ready to be mad at anyone she thought she could get away with it with. Unfortunately for her, she picked Wayne. I don't think the drama that happened today was all that unusual for her. From everything she's said, trouble follows her. She has no idea that SHE is the problem. She has no idea that she brings the disapproval on herself. She stood in the office ranting that she "does her job" Oh no she doesn't. She does the aspects of her job that she WANTS to do. Now...you ask, how is that any different than what anyone else does? We all do ALL our job when it's necessary. Yes, it's human nature to try to get out of doing the yucky stuff. But we ALL do what's necessary when it's necessary. She doesn't. She doesn't want to do any of it...and will do anything to get out of it. She was told yesterday she wouldn't go on probation if she went on light duty. Which she has told several people she thinks it would be 'fun' to be on light duty. So...she came in today, spoiling for a fight, so she could justify in her tiny little mind, quitting. Unfortunately, like the coward she is, she couldn't follow through.

SO....she called her husband, and had him call up there and demand she come home, because of some 'emergency'. Of course he didn't ask to speak to her, he spoke directly to Bettie. *snorts* So fake. All of it. Now...I sound just like the type of person I'm bitching about...the backbiting bitch. However, I'm telling my blog...not everyone else. This is something private. Right? Ok. Now that that's out of the way....

I get my way!! I GET MY WAY!! *does a little happy dance*

I know. For a FACT. Leslie was reccommended for termination today. Straight to Cindy. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. w00t! *smug* I'm not going to say I had anything to do with it, cause I don't know if I did or not. But it's happening. And I hope like HELL I'm there when she finds out. Cause I want to watch the little bitch get walked out. Maybe that's wrong of me...but I don't care at this point. She's caused as much stress in there lately as Jenna has. And we don't need that kind of crap. We don't need her. I've only met a few people in my life who annoy me on site like she does. *growls*

Ok. I'm offa here. Jacques is calling me. ;)

Gee Ma I wanna GO HOME!

GEE MA, I WANNA GO HOME
(Author Unknown)


They say that in the army
The coffee's mighty fine
Well, it's good for cuts and bruises,
But it tastes like turpentine!
Oh, I don't want no more of army life
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

The chicken in the army,
They say is mighty fine,
A drum rolled off the table
And squashed a pal of mine!
Oh, I don't want no more of army life!
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

The clothing that they give us
They say is mighty fine
Well, me and half my regiment
Can all fit into mine
Oh, I don't want no more of army life
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

The salary that they pay us,
They say is mighty fine
They give you thirty dollars
And take back forty-nine
Oh, I don't want no more of army life
Gee Ma, I wanna go,
Gee Ma I gotta go,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!


*****


ALTERNATE VERSION: As used in the TV show "Mash"


Father Mulcahy:
A chaplain in the Army
Has a collar on his neck,
If you don't listen to him
You'll all wind up in heck.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Colonel Potter:
Friendships in the Army
They say are mighty rare,
So I spend all my free time
Carousing with my mare.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Radar O'Reilly:
The corporals in the Army
You say we're really green,
But if it weren't for us guys
You'd be in the latrine.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Margaret Houlihan:
Oh some nurses in the Army
They haven't tied the knot,
But this one's gonna try it
With Donald Penobscott.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Hawkeye & B.J.:
Oh the surgeons in the Army
They say we're mighty bright,
We work on soldiers through the day
And nurses through the night.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

The Nurses:
The surgeons in the Army
They're bright, they are profound,
But we'll take chopper pilots
They'll get you off the ground.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Corporal Klinger:
Oh some guys like the Army
I think that it's a mess,
If it's so damn terrific
How come I wear a dress?

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Frank Burns:
Oh Hawkeye and ol' B.J.
They think they're pretty smart
I'd like to take a scalpel
And stab them in the heart.

All:
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go,
But they won't let me go,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

MJ took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks the determination and elasticity of will nec..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Have you seen my...

"Childhood"

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had

Have you seen my Childhood...

Lovely Day

Yea...isn't that a song?

So it was a lovely day. LOVELY. I absolutely LOVE my job. I can't WAIT to go back tomorrow. I can't wait to listen to the snide remarks, and backbiting. I'm so tired of that place. I would have walked out today if I didn't feel like I HAD to have the job. I mean...I do. If it wasn't for the kick ass insurance package I would have told them to go f*** themselves. Some days I just can't handle the stress. How Bettie covers for some people, and not others. Some people she just rides unmercifully, then whines cause things are going on in her life. *rolls eyes* GET THE F*CK OVER IT! My life has fallen apart in the last year, I'm so friggin confused right now as to where my life is going and what I want, yet you don't see me biting people's heads off at work! HELL NO! I come in and put on an Oscar worthy performance, and nobody fucking knows anything's wrong. Except the ONE person she runs off! The ONE PERSON in the whole fucking world that understands me, the one person I run to for EVERYTHING...and she has to be a bitch and make her want to quit. What did I do to piss someone up there off, eh God? What'd I do? I mean...aren't aren't allergies 365 days a year enough? Did you have to make me lose Steph too? Haven't I said goodbye enough? I'm so tired of saying goodbye. I'm tired of people leaving me. I know...everyone leaves. You'd think I'd be over it by now....

Things that make you go hmm...

So, kindof a strange day. It was good for the most part, managed to get somewhat excited, because we decided to get direcTV. Now, for a girl who has NEVER had cable, satellite, or anything but network tv channels...this is huge. Even managed to NOT feel guilty about it. I'm doing much better about paying the bills (God knows, I've had a lot to pay recently), and things are getting easier by the day. I've taken over all the paying of the bills, I don't trust Dan to do it for me anymore. The satellite is only going to be $39 a month, till after I get my car paid off (In Nov.) so then, when it goes up to $41, we'll still be able to afford it. Cause my car payment takes nearly 1/3 of my paycheck. Why do I sound like I'm talking myself into this? It's done, can't back out now. heh Anyway, got excited about that...and was having a fairly good day...

...Till Bettie started mouthin about Stephanie. Oh buddy, that's someplace you just don't go. She said Steph was always rude to the new girl. O_o really? I didn't see Steph being any different to her, than she is to everyone else. I think if this new chick has that skin that thin, she was out the door before she came in. SO, I jumped Bettie back about it. I told her what I thought. This girl is going to have to give a little, and TRY to fit in, instead of expecting everyone else to walk on eggshells around HER. Hell no. I don't work that way. So...was in sortof a bad mood there.

Then we go over to grandma's, and have dinner, as we do every Wed. night. It was good. Braum's hamburgers, and they even remembered that I don't like anything on mine, so got me two plain. *is happy* The kids piped up about the direcTV... and I didn't get a lecture. I was surprised.

Here's the thing. I've busted my ass, for 4 years, to support myself, my kids, and my husband. My husband has turned out to be, not what I thought he was. He's lied, stolen money, and betrayed me in every way BUT cheating, and I don't even know if he's done that or not. And I'm just NOW done digging us out of debt because he stole money from me and lied about it. JUST NOW. And all this shit started in February. So, I went out and got us something nice. Something that yes, is going to cost me a little extra money, but so what? If it makes life a little nicer around here, I can handle it. Right? Why do I feel guilty then? Aren't I a big girl? Yes, we've borrowed a lot of money from Dan's mom. But the last time we borrowed, was to fix his fuck up. And before that, it was LAST YEAR. when he was STILL in school. Now he's not. Thank God. I'm so tired of worry worry worry. So tired of "you shouldn't do this" and "you shouldn't spend that". I'm sick of having to deal with stupidity. I'm tired of having to worry about bills, in a dead end job, with no help, and nobody cares. So y'know what? I don't care anymore either. Yes. I'm going to be strapped as hell for the next two months. But I was gonna be anyway. I flat out told Dan, if he has to get the money from his mom to pay his half of the bills till I pay off my car, or till he gets a job, depending on how bitchy I am at the time...that's what'll happen. I'm not going to be miserable anymore.

I think I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Just in time for J to visit. Great timing eh? I need a valium.